A Bad Run

I'm training for my first marathon. Apparently sometime in December I went temporarily insane and thought a marathon might be a good idea (I've done shorter races before). When I brought up the idea to my mom I thought for sure that she would think I was crazy and talk me out of it. The opposite happened - she was so supportive and I entered and "won" the lottery to run the Marine Corps Marathon on October 26th.

                                                                                                                     Running in Budapest

So I've been training since April, with a serious lapse during my trip to Europe. I felt so guilty about not running enough in Europe, but I got pretty much back on track when I returned and last weekend successfully completed an 18 mile run. The longest I'd done until then was 13.1 miles and I was so proud to know that I wouldn't quit even though no one else would ever know.

And then yesterday happened. We were supposed to go out for 12 miles and I was mentally ready, thinking it wouldn't be bad now that I'd accomplished 18. Well, it was crazy humid and I had been crazy stupid the day before.

The long and short of it is that I got sad and ate pizza until I threw up. So I started my run with my belly upset from all the pizza, likely dehydrated from vomiting, and feeling utterly shattered by my behavior once again. I turned around after about 4 miles and left my running buddies behind.

I have never known how to go easy on myself and the 4 miles back to home base were no exception. I railed against myself for being so stupid and for gaining back 31 pounds of the 54 I had lost. I had been so happy that I lost the 6 pounds of vacation weight right away...until I gained it back and then 6 more.

                                                             50 pounds down and still some more to go...

My ranting against myself eventually eased up and I came to one conclusion: I want a different life. No one is going to give it to me, so it's up to me to change things. And the first things I have to focus on are losing weight and being able to complete this marathon. I have eight weeks to do so. So far yesterday and today have been good and I have a plan for the days to come.

Wish me luck.

Vienna v. Budapest

I adored Vienna. Even with the stress of my stolen wallet being fresh, it was the perfect city for self-discovery and hours of wandering. It seemed so livable and I spent plenty of time sitting outside at a park or cafe and writing and drinking aperol spritzes. I would start walking and just follow my way to the next beautiful building I spotted, until I realized I'd be turning in circles because everywhere I looked was another beautiful building. Vienna was definitely going to be my favorite city of the trip.

And then I got to Budapest.

Budapest had so much of what Vienna had, but with wonderfully friendly people and a much lower price tag. It's hard for me to define why Budapest had such an impact on me, but it just felt comfortable to me. Every time I thought of it as my favorite city of the trip, I felt like I was somehow betraying Vienna.

And then I came up with my delightful metaphor to make myself feel better.

Budapest is the woman I am now. She's beautiful, but rough around the edges and not entirely sure of herself. She's proud of her history and hopeful for her future, but struggling to go in the right direction and not entirely sure how to choose the correct path. And, of course, she loves art and music and literature and food and wine and dancing her face off.

Vienna is the woman I hope to be - beautiful and settled, mature and confident, full of art and creativity. She's classically stylish, with an air of not giving a shit about what anyone else thinks about her. And peaceful. Vienna feels a lot more peaceful.

My wallet returns!

I came home from my run last Thursday to a notice that I had a package waiting for me. I looked at the return address, the American Embassy in Vienna, and all of a sudden it dawned on me: my wallet! And I was right! There was a note from the embassy that someone had turned the wallet in to the Austrian police and they gave it to the embassy. Everything was intact, except for the cash. It was really wonderful to see the system work, to have the little sentimental bits back, and to have my procrastination in buying a new wallet justified!

Thank you to all the good folks in Vienna!

The Men Who Keep Me Single #2

I'm just going to transcribe the email for this one. I think it speaks for itself.

"Just wanted to say that I find you very attractive. If I got to know you, I would invite you over for a romantic dinner and as soon as you arrived, I would pull you close and whisper in your ear "I have a Swanson TV dinner in the freezer with your name on it" and then I would proceed to fill a wine glass with Welch's grape juice."

An attempt at hilarity? A misguided notion as to what women want? A creep? Whatever the answer, here's my verdict: nope, I'm still not being too picky.

Self-growth Through Theft

Prague is a magical fairyland full of tourists and wonder.

I had a fabulous time in the city, until the meltdown started to happen about five minutes after my train to Vienna left the Prague station. I realized I didn't have my wallet. I have no idea how I lost it. I assume a very good pickpocket got it, but I've wracked my brain and can't come up with a moment in my memory when it could have been taken. I felt absolutely sick about it and was so frustrated, but the Australian guy next to me was very sweet. His girlfriend was still at the station, so he texted her and she checked lost and found, but, shockingly, it wasn't there. I really didn't expect it to be. So, I had about five hours on a train through the Czech countryside to wallow in self-pity and try to figure out what to do next.

I remembered I had $19 USD in my suitcase and thought I would be able to change that at the train station and take public transportation to my hotel. Wrong. Thus began my three mile trek to my hotel with all my luggage and despair weighing me down. By the time I got into my hotel room the back of my shirt and underwear were completely soaked with sweat.

I video chatted with my parents - Dad wanted to make sure I wasn't being held hostage or something - and that's when I really lost it. As soon as Mom came onto the screen I started to weep. At that point my dad hadn't gotten the microphone to work on their end (ah, engineers), so my mom just put her hands on her heart to express comfort for me. I calmed down and getting to watch the bickering between them while they tried to figure out how to wire me money helped bring me back to reality. Luckily there was one Western Union open on the weekends in Vienna and I was able to gather my cash the next morning. That afternoon/night was one of my most stressful recently.

I came away from the experience with frustration, but also a lot of gratitude. Gratitude for having parents and friends who are willing and able to help me in such a situation; gratitude for having my passport/phone/laptop/luggage with me; gratitude that the only crime I experienced was on my property and not on my person. And now I've learned my lesson: always have a hidden backup credit card!

And I'm back!

Bit of a bump there in my blogging. But I'm back now, both literally and figuratively, and have a renewed sense of purpose to my blog. I'm hoping that someday this becomes a community for people like me, who are looking for support and friendship and love when they just can't find it in their every day lives. So come along with me!

My major adventure for 2014 was a three and a half week trip to Europe: Berlin, Nuremberg and Coburg for a wedding, Munich, Prague, Vienna, and Budapest.

                                                   At Schonbrunn Palace in Vienna

Not only was this trip an amazing experience for all of the beautiful, fun, historic cities I got to visit, but three and a half weeks alone (excepting the 3 day wedding) allowed me time for journaling and self-discovery at a pace I don't ordinarily have the time for amid the hustle and bustle of "real" life. I'll have many stories and insights to share in the coming days.

Suffice it to say, this trip changed me. I came back a better person, a more confident woman, and full of eagerness to approach life with a new vigor. First up? Getting serious about this blog. Stick around and you can expect to hear stories of pickpockets and gorgeous Danish men and breathtaking art. Here at home there is more dating, some career brainstorming, and the continued agony of training for my first marathon.

            You may say I'm a dreamer/But I'm not the only one/I hope someday you'll join us/And the world will be as one. 
                                                                                           -John Lennon "Imagine" 
                                                                                   At the John Lennon Wall in Prague 

My obsessions

Ah, the little things in life. 

Right now I am loving my Paddywax Library collection candle in "Leo Tolstoy." Although his books aren't my very favorite, I adore the mix of plum, persimmon, and oakmoss. It's soothing and sultry and just smells writerly. 

"Enter One" by Sol Seppy. This is my favorite song for savasana, both mellow and uplifting/energizing. It gets me to relax but in a way that I'm raring to get back to life at the end instead of feeling like a nap would be nice. I think it's too slow for any of my ballroom dances, but I might take it to Dmitri and see if we can work something out. I'd love to dance to it.